Sexual Ethics

In her insightful essay, Sexual Ethics, Hope wrote the following...

Sex is fraught with moral implications. There are significant ethical underpinnings, intricate complications and tremendous psychic impacts to sex. Yet few modern ethicists and philosophers can agree on what constitutes ethical sex. Conservative religions have a carte blanche ban on premarital sex, and in an increasing secular world which often delays marriage, there exists scant guidance for how to behave when it comes to sex…

In-depth understanding of human biology, psychology and evolutionary forces has given people even more excuse to engage in casual sex. Some now openly advocate that “men should sleep around because they can sire multiple offspring with multiple women.” In this new world view, humans are seen as robots and automatons, programmed by great evolutionary forces to perform certain actions…

Few see anything wrong with this situation except to bemoan that they are not able to take full advantage of the sexual free-for-all. They learn “game” and try to get in on the action, to try to get that feeling of high off another person. The men and women who are engaging in casual sex are answering to the siren calls of their baser natures, blindly, like children…

They shed their clothes and open themselves physically but still wall themselves in emotionally. They give this gift of trust and spiritual release to someone they do not really know or trust. They refuse to allow themselves to bond from sex due to fear and jadedness. They may be materially satisfied, but they suffer from spiritual poverty…

Sex is a reverent thing, a sacred thing, something to be treated carefully and with respect. It can be a powerful spiritual experience if both people are able to experience a great depth of emotion through their physical expression of love…

Game is about provoking the initial lustful feelings, e.g. negging, being mysterious, and seeming cocky and arrogant. What strengthens real love? Not negging, but support. Not being mysterious, but being open. Not being cocky, but the humility to admit to wrongdoings… Human relations will never be perfect, and expecting perfection from flawed human beings is unrealistic. Behaving ethically in sex will not create utopias, but it is a step towards greater spiritual and moral growth.

I responded…

Hope: Once again, you are injecting some much-needed wisdom into a very important discussion. The Game/PUA community sees sex as a purely physical activity. They ignore the emotional and spiritual needs of both women AND men. And that's a shame. They will never experience the peak of sexuality because they will never have a partner with whom they can connect with physically, emotionally, AND spiritually.

Of course, on some level, I'm sympathetic to their mindset. Our culture has done a horrible job of preparing young people to think rationally about sexual matters.

The hedonistic ethic of consumerism plus the puritan ethic of Christian fundamentalism have distorted the minds of millions of people. We must reclaim sex as a spiritual experience (although separate from the dogmas of organized religion) in order to create a healthy sexual culture in the 21st century.

When it comes to sexual ethics, I took a stab at a solution in The Mustard Seed.