In the preface to The Mustard Seed, I wrote the following...
"This is a work of fiction. However, the plot and characters in this book are based on my authentic spiritual and intellectual journey. That journey occurred in my early-to-mid twenties as I adjusted to the peaks and valleys of the 'Real World.' Before I entered that world – back when I was in high school and college - I always hungered for a book that could address 'life issues' in an honest, straightforward, and dare I say inspiring way. Since I couldn’t find such a book, I decided to write one of my own."
I don't want to spend a lot of time describing that journey step-by-step (I could literally write an entire separate book about it), but I do want to touch on a few items (with the possibility of expanding on them in a later blog post).
From the earliest days of my childhood until the age of 9, I was an extremely happy boy, and my thoughts on religious matters were limited to the unformed, traditional idea that there was a benevolent God who ruled over the universe (although I never dwelled on it too much).
At 9 years old, my grandfather died. This led to a severe drop in my quality of life, although ironically, it led to a much stronger focus and commitment to Christianity (because, like many folks before me, I saw it as a way to salve my grief and provide meaning to my loss).
This period of religious intensity (and deep emotional investment in Christianity) continued through my early teens, when unfortunately, the quality of my life took another jump into the abyss, and my faith, after years of being unrewarded, started to wane. During high school, the influence of "progressive ideas" started to seep into my brain. Science and history classes joining together to undermine my sense of self. Even worse, I was spending my own free time reading books like Darwin's Dangerous Idea, The Selfish Gene, and The Astonishing Hypothesis, and taking their "reductionist" propaganda as gospel.
Let me provide some context by telling a quick story...In the final weeks of my senior year of high school (spring 1997), I went to have lunch at McDonald's with a friend of mine. I remember telling my friend that I wanted to write a book one day about the dangers of "reductionism." I had just discovered the word "reductionism," and I loved it in a linguistic sense. Wikipedia defines "reductionism" as "an approach to understanding the nature of complex things by reducing them to the interactions of their parts." In science, "reductionism" is radical materialism, and all the ideas that come with it - atheism, Darwinism, Behaviorism, etc. But "reductionism" is more than just science; it's also an entire philosophy with tentacles in literature, history, and especially politics. The phrase reminded me of a scientist examining a beautiful woman, and instead of standing back and admiring her beauty, he grabs his microscope, and starts putting body parts under his lens, so that he can study her cells and thus "truly" understand her. I hated "reductionism." But I thought it was the truth. So what could I truly say? I had no counterpoint; no compelling alternative to offer.
Like Brian Raines, I enjoyed my college years, and with the improvement in my quality of life, my "hardened atheism" melted into a "dreary agnosticism." I didn't spend a whole time thinking about religion. I wasn't confident that I could handle it.
Eventually, it was my entrance into the "Real World" that sparked a renewal in my spiritual search. There were 2 books that were especially influential to me. The first was Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch (which I read in 2001). The second was Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand (which I read in 2004). I found the ideas in both books compelling, but they were directly opposed on 2 points. Rand was a militant atheist; Walsch was (and is) a firm believer. Rand prized "reason" as the guide to human ethics and action; Walsch was hung up on a hippie-light version of emotionalism and communitarianism. As for me, I was sympathetic to Walsh's faith, but not his program for living; for that, I preferred Rand's emphasis on the mind, individual rights, and political libertarianism.
If only there was a way to blend the two philosophies...
If only there was a way to blend reason and faith...
If only we had Spiritual Rationalism.
What is spiritual rationalism? See my Dec. 2, 2008 blog post for a brief description.
But enough about that...I started this blog post to 1) share my story about McDonald's, and 2) have a follow-up thought (12 years later) about the dangers of "reductionism."
Clearly, at the climax of my spiritual journey, I understand that "reductionism" is wrong. Wrong in every sense of the word. If I had to define "reductionism," I would say...
"Reductionism's mission is to kill the joy out of life - not by spreading truth, but by spreading lies."
A few other thoughts:
Even back in 1997, when I believed in "reductionism," I never understood how other people (whether they were the teachers or the students) could casually accept it (in contrast to me, who mentally resisted its power and hated it deeply). Even worse that, I couldn't understand how other people actually liked reductionism, saw it as a "good and healthy thing" and sought to spread it into society. Even today, I have no genuine explanation for that. Actually, that's not true; I do have one theory (but that's a blog post for another time).
As you can see, my spiritual journey has been sliced, diced, and implanted into all four characters in The Mustard Seed - Brian, Mark, Troy, and Heather.
And there's some stuff that's truly all my own.
More on that another time. Maybe.
-Todd
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