Should We Aspire to Be Happy All the Time?

Since I started this blog in November, I haven’t talked much about myself – at least not on a personal level. There’s a couple of reasons for that. First, this is a deliberately anonymous blog (for professional reasons). And second, I’m a pretty private person (with a few exceptions, of course). But I’m going to open up a little bit today.

Recently, the quality of my full-time job has been going south. There have been some personnel changes that have left me feeling annoyed, frustrated, unmotivated, and sometimes even depressed. Needless to say, I don’t like feeling that way. And I’m actively trying to improve my situation. But in any case, I’ve been reflecting more on the meaning of happiness, and the best way to attain it.

In The Mustard Seed, Brian Raines defines happiness this way:

"The root of happiness is the conviction (supported by experience) that you are competent and morally entitled to succeed on this Earth.”

I like that quote. In fact, it’s one of my favorite quotes in the whole book. And I stand by it. But I think (in light of recent events in my life) that I should provide a more detailed definition.

For starters, let’s review what Heather Manning said about life itself:

“I would say that a self-interested life is a virtuous life, and there are three virtues which are critical: honesty, responsibility, and justice….These three values…provide us with a sense of ownership over our lives, and the confidence to surmount any of life’s challenges…When we choose to practice those values at all times, in all circumstances, we possess the final, all-encompassing virtue, which is loyalty to virtue itself. That is known as integrity."

After adopting this philosophy, Heather continues…

“Overall, I was satisfied with myself and I was optimistic about my future. But deep down, I had to acknowledge a simple fact: I still wasn’t happy. I mean really happy – the kind of happiness that treats every day as a gift, and very experience as a blessing. Instead, I saw life as a constant, lonely struggle with no greater purpose than my own wish to win that struggle. For a long time, that was all the motivation I needed. But not anymore. Now it wasn’t enough that my life mattered to me; I wanted my life to matter. Period. I knew the only way to find some greater meaning was through God.”

At the risk of spoiling the book, eventually Heather finds that meaning.

So…by adopting the right philosophy (and combining it with faith in a Higher Power), Heather achieves “the conviction (supported by experience) that she is competent and morally entitled to succeed on this Earth.” And with it, she finds happiness, as well. “The happiness that treats every day as a gift, and every experience as a blessing.”

But is it realistic to treat “every experience as a blessing?” Should we aspire to be happy all the time?

I am tempted to say “yes.” That is certainly the goal. And it should be achievable. But when reflecting on my life today (specifically, my job), I have to confess that while I certainly maintain the CONVICTION that I am “competent and morally entitled to succeed on this Earth,” most days, from 9-6 PM, I do not have that EXPERIENCE. I am not using my talents in a way that is consistent with my values. Of course, I realize that I’m not the only person who ever felt that way. I bet most people feel that way today. And of course, I have other outlets for my talent – this blog, my girlfriend, my family, etc. But it is sobering to realize that my full-job is not meeting my expectations. And so the question becomes: How should I respond to that? How should any person respond? Should we be happy?

Again, I am tempted to say “yes.” As an old philosopher once said, “This too shall pass.” We should not get hung up on the day-to-day trivialities and disappointments of life. We should stay focused on the big picture. If we are living a moral existence, that alone should be sufficient for our happiness. By preserving our integrity (regardless of where we are or who we’re with), we will stay confident in ourselves and confident in the benevolence of a Higher Power.

As Brian Raines once said: “At the end of the process, we must put our faith in God – because we know, through reason, that God is worthy of that faith.”

There’s one caveat, however. And it’s an important one. There’s no point in hiding from Reality. While we should aspire to be happy in all situations, we shouldn’t fake joy if the situation doesn’t call for it. In my case, there’s no point in treating recent developments at my job as a “blessing” or a “gift.” I should be honest in expressing my disappointment. And I should never feel guilty about it.

This brings me to a final point: There is probably a distinction between happiness and joy. We should aspire to be happy every day for all of the reasons I’ve mentioned above. But the emotion of joy itself (what some call “extreme happiness”) should be a rarer feeling – and for good reason. The feeling of joy should be reserved for specific events on a day-to-day basis that reinforce the conviction that “you are competent and morally entitled to succeed.” We should aspire to feel joy. But we should recognize that joyful living (as opposed to simply “happy living”) is a rarer, and more profound, occurrence.

So what’s the bottom line? At least for me? Well, I need to do some soul-searching. While I STILL feel happy, I am entitled to feel joy too. Even at work. That should be the right of all human beings. And I am going to work even harder to make it happen.

-Todd