In The Mustard Seed, one of the themes is ethics. One character (Mark) is a strong believer in altruism. On the other hand, there are two characters (Heather and Troy) who advocate a form of self-interest. However, Heather and Troy have different ideas about what “self-interest” truly means. For Heather, “self-interest” comes from the mind. It is rational. Logical. Enlightened. A person who practices “enlightened self-interest” will value honesty and responsibility, practice integrity, and aspire to enter a loving relationship with another person. For Troy, “self-interest” is not connected to the mind. After all, there is no mind. Rather, it comes from instinct. And is felt through emotion. A person who practices Troy’s form of self-interest isn’t concerned with morality, per se, but only with pleasure.
This is a very important distinction. In our society, a person who advocates “self-interest” is usually viewed negatively. That’s probably because no one has distinguished between the “enlightened self-interest” of Heather Manning and the “emotional self-interest” of Troy Dawkins. The people who practice Troy’s form of “self-interest” are what are called narcissists. And their behavior is in the interest of no one (least of all to themselves!)
Today, Slate has a fine article by Emily Yoffe about the dangers of narcissism. It does a good job explaining why narcissism ISN’T truly rational. And that narcissists themselves – while seemingly self-confident and happy – are actually quite anxious and depressed. Moreover, the critical element of narcissism is a lack of love. While Heather values love and sees it as the HIGHEST goal of human life, narcissists like Troy have no understanding of love and never practice it.
To the article…Some of the highlights…
This is the cultural moment of the narcissist… These days, "narcissist" gets tossed around as an all-purpose insult, a description of self-aggrandizing, obnoxious behavior… Elsa Ronningstam, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School who specializes in NPD, points out the myth is not really about self-love but the inability to love. Eleanor Payson, a therapist in Michigan and the author of The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, says of people with NPD, "They have a primitive, undeveloped sense of self." To compensate, they create a grandiose image to distract from an inner state that Payson says is one of "almost malignant anxiety and emptiness."
This is a very important distinction. In our society, a person who advocates “self-interest” is usually viewed negatively. That’s probably because no one has distinguished between the “enlightened self-interest” of Heather Manning and the “emotional self-interest” of Troy Dawkins. The people who practice Troy’s form of “self-interest” are what are called narcissists. And their behavior is in the interest of no one (least of all to themselves!)
Today, Slate has a fine article by Emily Yoffe about the dangers of narcissism. It does a good job explaining why narcissism ISN’T truly rational. And that narcissists themselves – while seemingly self-confident and happy – are actually quite anxious and depressed. Moreover, the critical element of narcissism is a lack of love. While Heather values love and sees it as the HIGHEST goal of human life, narcissists like Troy have no understanding of love and never practice it.
To the article…Some of the highlights…
This is the cultural moment of the narcissist… These days, "narcissist" gets tossed around as an all-purpose insult, a description of self-aggrandizing, obnoxious behavior… Elsa Ronningstam, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School who specializes in NPD, points out the myth is not really about self-love but the inability to love. Eleanor Payson, a therapist in Michigan and the author of The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, says of people with NPD, "They have a primitive, undeveloped sense of self." To compensate, they create a grandiose image to distract from an inner state that Payson says is one of "almost malignant anxiety and emptiness."
Octomom Nadya Suleman explained in an interview that she started having her brood so she they would fill "the void, the feeling of emptiness" inside her she said was the result of an unhappy childhood. When the first six kids apparently failed to understand their Sisyphean life's work of making their mother feel loved, Suleman pushed on and had eight more…
The leading theory about the development of NPD is that people get it the old-fashioned, Freudian way: Your parents give it to you… As a result of neglect or smothering, these children don't learn the essential skills of being able to soothe themselves and regulate their feelings. The authors of The Narcissism Epidemic say the drift toward hovering, boosterish parents who want to gratify their child's every impulse will churn out more narcissistically disordered people…
Those involved with someone with NPD frequently say they feel as if they are interacting with a kindergartener. In some way they are. According to a study in the journal Advances in Psychiatric Treatments, narcissists are stuck with the emotional development of 5-year-olds. It's about at age 5 that children start realizing their feelings are not just the result of other people or events but occur within themselves, and that they have control over them. But this understanding does not take place for the narcissist, who continues to see all internal states as having an external cause. Because of narcissists' inability to control their own emotions, they unconsciously experience the world as constantly threatening—thus the tendency toward inexplicable rages, the wild overreactions to the slightest perception of criticism…
If the observers who say that part of our economic troubles result from a mass case of narcissism, from consumers who thought they should have the house of their dreams financed on bad debt to bankers who thought they deserved eight-figure bonuses for packaging that bad debt, then perhaps we are about to be cured.
Also, Dr. Drew Pinsky has a new book out called The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism is Seducing America. Looks interesting.
-Todd
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